have u ever heard this saying before? It's been about a month since my whole life seem to hit the fan. I'm having issuse with my social life keeping everything straight. The smallest thing sets me off. Just a month ago I fucked up 3 friendships... 3 who does that? One is not so much my fault as it is their own and now they are on vacation and they are gonna move soon so I had less than a handful of friends and I just lost another finger.
Then after I found out that news I fucked up 2 more friendships. This literally crushed me I couldn't explain what happened I didn't intentionally do it I was drunk but that's no excuse so I didn't even say it but I couldn't think straight. After that the closest friendship I had seemed dead. The other person wasn't even talking to me I blew up on them for no reason. I don't know what occurred. I've been told and read things that made me think and still don't sit right with me there's 3 things actually. I was there before the issue and I'm still here now I just hope it don't blow up in my face. It went from not talking to texting all the time to hangout invites. And I haven't forgotten what happened it replays in my head at least once everyday or other day and I'm sure they are reminded everytime they are talking to me as well. I don't mean to bring up the past but my mom this morning reminded me of how bad a friend I am not just to one person but all 3 of these people. And when I start thinking about this all I can do is sit and think of all the fucked shit I've done to them.
To top it off last night I started fucking wup something else.
Me: what happen too you last night
Me: ???
Him: Look here buddy I'm workin and I'm stressedd. Soo ill hit u up laterr lol good night.
Me: ... Ummm k goodnight
Him: I know what that means. I aint say it wass u jess... I was just tellin u I was.. And I don't mind u hittin me up. Today was a lil rough and I just toldd u, it wasn't u
This person and I have a past of nonsense and not talking for months and I don't know where it's heading I lust for this person for a longtime and when I didn't he showed up and we've been talking again since May, coming off 6 months of not speaking. He's an asshole but he let's me in at times like puts down his guard at time. The homies don't approve... Shit I don't approve but his comeback is strong if anything it's determined.
But I always say there's only so much a person can take and everyone is getting to that point with me. It's gonna get to the point that everyone is gonna dip on me and I'm not gonna have anyone around me (ultimate fear)
The homie, the cuz and the bestie (I don't even know if she wants to be called that anymore) hit the 4 yr mark which is my friendships usually end cuz by then people don't want to be my friend no more two of these people hit the 4yr mark before hit we didn't talk for about a yr and it the mark restarted again now it's about to end again and thats never ever happened before.
I'm stressed.
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