Italian

I'm learning how to be fluent in italian but that's not really working.

I want a new camera so I can be a real artistic photographer

uhhh Mondays...

I have the Monday downfalls. Don't you just hate that after a great weekend you get a poopy of a week? Though my week has just started it doesn't make sense but I just hate mondays only the tv shows I watch do it for me.

I must admit I dont know how to act at times but some people don't realize how they act and don't care about it thats not me. Things eat me up inside and I feel hurt when I shouldn't but thats my personality I understand not everyone is like me but how can people be so cold?

New Tattoo...

I have just realized how weak I am. I just got a new tattoo well its half of a tattoo today and it seems to me that I can not with stand pain from needles and I hate them so that might be a part of it but I doubt it. I went with my bestfriend to get a tattoo she was getting 2 stars I drew a couple years ago that I have never been able to redo. I don't know if its cuz she has so many tattoos or because I'm weak with needles, but she was just sitting there like if it was nothing. Me smh, I wish I was bitting myself to redirect the pain.

I went to get the words "REGRET NOTHING" on each of my ankles. So far I have "NOTHING" on my left ankle covering a small scar. I love the ideas I have had. This is only half of the tattoo so I have to go back. I think the sound of the needle bothers me too. So I dont know how long I'm considering to continue with tattoos as of now its 3 but I gotta go get the other half done sometime this week but I have about 2 tattoos left. I think I choose words because they are small but find the right placement is the worst thing ever idk where else I have one wrist left lol. I think justice on my other wrist but I doubt it lol.

Now They All Show Up! SMH!

My love life sucks so I'm gonna sum up all the situations that have all came up from Friday to Saturday between 4:30 pm to 6:00 am each is labeled.
Buffalo: We have a lot in common he's cute and has a future ahead of him (career wise not a job there is a difference.) Unsure if he wants the real thing or another fling I'm up for either.
The Kid: He is just that fun to flirt with and entertaining I'm not attracted to him in anyway but I can control him, he's chasing me.
The Ex: He pops up into the picture leaves a fingerprint and leaves. I don't think I will ever like him like I did before.
The Fling: Awww he started off good then changed up on me. He is OK looking his personality was aggressive and he wasn't scared to be honest and I was very honest with him the most I have ever been. We argue but the make-up is the best, the regular is the best so its good all around.

They all popped into the picture this weekend I just didn't even make any moves because right now I'm alone but I'm not in need these guys all try to use me in some way except for the kid he's one who doesn't careless.

As of right now only 2 are in the game. Buffalo I want long term with. The fling I wanna ride out till it lasts. The others are just floating opportunities.

Party time...

Got the brugie ready!!! Lets see how bad the night turns. Right now its just me going. I think if so that will suck!!! How will I get home in one piece?

wow...

I have just realized my herbal intake for the day 4 in 5 hrs is to much. I turn into pudding lol.

All Over Again..

Ahhhh!!! I just wanna scream!

All my shows for Monday nights are back on and with them came all my anxiety and fucked up feelings. I feel so empty and unmotivated to do anything... I'm trying to get excited about stuff but it's not working. Last night I didn't sleep. I was awake from 11:30 am to 9:20 am. I was gonna stay up longer but saw no point so I just forced myself to sleep. I'm gonna try a diet and taking my meds again. I started already I hope I lose some weight maybe it'll help.

Line up...

Listening to: Gym Class Heroes-Coming Clean
Opinion: I think this is honest and who doesn't love honesty... or Travis McCoy...it's a win win situation.

My Monday Nights are back YAY!!! Growing up I always thought that families at some point are suppose to have at least one moment together but the more I look at my past this didn't really exist. Now I'm in college and I have an extra family. they are honest care and important to me. They provide a stability that I need they give me that at home and togetherness feeling that I yearned for as a kid and I love them for them...if that makes sense.

7am!!!!!!!!!

It's 7 am I have not slept and have really done nothing all day. I am not motivated to do anything. I do not have a job and I'm starting to think that this whole me staying in my apartment all day doing nothing sucks I'm just up being reminded of why my life sucks more and more everyday. I'll keep ya posted... I'll be back before Gossip Girl. HEROES IS BACK ON YAY!!!!! 2 new episodes!!!!!!!!!!

Best Place Ever?

I love Apple bees it's one of my favorite places to go to cheer myself up. So today we went on a small expedition to Apple bees. I must admit it .... sucked. I hated the food and it really ruined it for me. They have also rasied the prices. Its like damn I don't visit for a couple months and you go and turn your back on my I'll go to the Chesse Cake Factory anyday...

Random Drunkness

I have a very weak stomach but I can drink a lot. As some might know liqour has a very distinct taste so i prevent my self from getting wasted i do enjoy the drinks but I never come out my face. I will get drunk one of these days unannounced and alone and see what happens.

....

Listening to: Your Call -Secondhand Serenade

Waiting for your, call I’m sick, call I’m angry, call I’m desperate for your voice
Listening to the song we used to sing
In the car, do you remember Butterfly,
Early Summer It’s playing on repeat,
Just like when we would meet
Like when we would meet
I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight

Stripped and polished, I am new, I am fresh
I am feeling so ambitious, you and me, flesh to flesh
Cause every breath that you will take when you are sitting next to me
Will bring life into my deepest hopes,
What’s your fantasy?(What’s your, what’s your…)
I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
And I’m tired of being all alone, and this solitary moment makes me want to come back home
(I know everything you wanted isn’t anything you have)
I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
I was born to tell you I love you and I am torn to do what I have to, to make you mine
Stay with me tonight
(I know everything you wanted isn’t anything you have)

Really

I may look happy on the outside, but if you felt like i feel on the inside you would understand...

So Me..

I love this. It's a lost soul taking a chance and is almost sure to be hurt, but they do it anyway. Out of need. Out of desperation. Out of love. It is a hard path they walk and they walk it alone.

Handicapped Ernie

Listening To: Gym Class Heroes-Live Forever (Fly with me)

Opinion: I love this song it is on my top 3 songs out right now...

Teddies don’t hug back, but sometimes they’re all you’ve got.

Teddies were born for Love, unconditional Love. When everything else fails, the Teddy is there.

Teddies don’t hug back, but sometimes they’re all you’ve got.

Ernie, from sesame street is now a retired vet from The Poor Choice War. He is recovering. It was from a herbal complication that occurred in a tug of war battle. It was my fault I caused a situation because I thought it was funny. I didn't intend for it to rip but it was old. I deserved for it to happen for being a dick but I didn't expect that rage.

It hurt a little I didn't know how to feel I still don't I don't expect an apology or a replacement cuz it was my fault and I wouldn't want one. It was like the only thing I had ever won on my own, it was the last good time from dead friendships and it was the only thing that kept me company when everything goes wrong, it was the only dependable thing that was there unconditional.

I know no one else liked it so I was willing to dump it. I was currently just keep it until I could replace it with something that others could appreciate as well but now it only reminds me of an unsure time and the bad friendships I don't even want to look at it anymore.

UGHHHH!!!!

Listening to: If It Makes You Happy- Sheryl Crow
Opinion: I love this song no one can just listen and not sing along...

I don't know everyone is kinda happy I guess except for me for no reason. I partied twice this weekend drank and everything but yet again still bummed. Since Friday, I have felt sad and all alone I know story of my life. My friends all party and we are all together but I'm always the one with a face, I can't explain it.

I'm always the one that's only seen as a friend never anything else. I party with them just to go. In reality I go to these parties and just act like a tag along, the supervisor or I'm just hugging the wall. I dance from time to time but that's with guys that are just doing me the favor or like my friends. I try to tell my friends at time but I don't even want to mention it anymore, because its just my own personal problem.

I spent most of the party last night looking for them. I was just sitting alone letting my thoughts consume me. I go looking for them with no luck on my way back to my crib I receive a call from this kid who likes my friend he knew I was looking for them he tells me they are back at the party in fact they never left. Once I walk back in they are partying like "O Hey!!!" I tell them I have been looking for them and all I get is an "O" I love how searching for two drunk girls at a party full of off campus I get an "O"

Thanks for reaffirming my theories on if I were invisible or dead probably a week would go by before anyone noticed I was gone....

I desperately hope I'm wrong....

Back.... Room Remodeled

Ok I'm back for real people. Right now i have about 5 day weekends and though it sounds good its not. I'm a broke ass college student that has internet access all day long and nothing to do. So I have decide to follow this whole blogging thing for a very long time I'm guessing. So now the cyber world has to deal with me! Everyday I will add the song I'm listening to as I write some old some new just keep a look out.

Listening to: The Foo Fighters - Tired of you
Opinion: Dope song it was featured in I Think I Hate My Wife starring Chris Rock and Keri Washington. The movie was ok had like 2 or 3 funnys but other than that it was ok.

So people I have just remodeled my single so that 2 people can live here and have a large space let me just say this worked out great. I would post a picture but I lost the card reader for my memory card but I can plug my phone in but thats mad work.