I hate this...

So on wednesday my senior project advisor looked at my work and of course my work got completely messed up so now I have to delay my work. I am upset but you know what Inhale, exhale... wusaaaaaa....

So today I went to the gym which was a new thing for me because the only gym I know is a basketball court thats it thats my workout. So today I wanted to try something new and I did a bike workout it was alright I hate the gym atmosphere idk I'm very cautious when it comes to shit like that.

Anywho there's a party tonight and I really want to go I haven't gone to a real club or house party that isn't at school since New Years so yea looking forward to it. I'm in the middle of getting dressed so I'll hit ya back laters...

Back....

My blog is back on track thank god for me sending all my notes to myself before switching phones.

Japanese Cartoon

I just heard some new tracks from these dudes^^^^
Japanese Cartoon it's pretty dope.

Dude...

So I really want to say this to someone but idk. I'm still iffy on it comments please....

ummm I don't know whats wrong or if I did something wrong in some way. I don't know whats going on in your life but maybe I can help. I know I'm far but I'm a great listener and if its just that you don't want to speak to me then just let me know I won't hit you up anymore like your a cool dude and stuff but I feel like I hit you up mad times and you don't ever respond... so idk whats going on at all.

The Black Cloud

...has lifted and I got some weight of my shoulders...I feel much better... well kinda.

brought to my attention

life's been crazy lately I've seem to be busy doing nothing but I will update the last 14 days that have gone by hadn't even noticed thats CRAZY!

I will write the small notations I make everyday on my phone and expand on it so expect 14 new posts by tomorrow night....

Grind ON...yea right

I'm suppose to do so much work due this week but I have no motivation to do anything. So I see myself slacking again so I don't even know what I am gonna do.


Feeling: OVERWHELMED

Joy Ride Extravaganza

So the bestie let me drive her car...I was very surprised especially because she wasn't going to be in the car. The first ride was to the stop & shop which is not that far and a straight shot and I was going and coming back with people in the car so it's nothing. The second trip was different it was into a busier area and I was going with people but coming back alone. It's not that I don't know how to drive...I'm just scared to. That's why I have no licence or even a permit.

Nada

I haven't been doing nada all day last night was ok. I got in my feelings a little by small comments that were mad here and there but it's not the end of the world.

It seems like my friends aren't speaking it'll blow over in like a day it's not a big deal cuz the situation wasn't planned.

B-days and Vaginas

Happy Birthday to Kickzrruss and my boo Rupurt Star.
I wonder what they doing tonight...

I'm going to one of my close friend's show this weekend I heard it's a good show so that should be fun and then Cheesecake Factory YAY!!! It's always a plus.

Bum Day

That's what today was. Well at least it was for me. After doing nothing and staring at my aim all day I decided to wash clothes and clean my room. Later I'm going to sit and wait for the homies to get out of class and we watching America's Best Dance Crew only 4 groups left.

The weekend can bring like Fat Joe said "So Much More"

Happy B-Day!!!

Today is 3 people's B-day
lets go from young to old...
(pics will be inserted later)

Happy Birthday Sole_Prince he is such a cutie!!!
Happy Birthday My Niece Yari!!!
Happy Brithday Christina P.!!!

Photo project

So today my Photography professor showed us this cool photomerge project it was pretty dope but now we have to make one damn art is difficult at time but fuck it happens I LOVES IT THOUGH!!!!!

Stares are bad...

I realize I stare a lot. I hope people dont get the wrong idea.

lol o well fuck'em

So today...

I woke up and had so much work to do on my senior project idk

Question:
Why do I slack so much to then have a panic attack/breakdown later?
Whats wrong with me?

Fuck V-Day!!!

On some real shit FUCK VALENTINES DAY!!!

If it's in Febuaray it has the perfect day fuck Valentines day it's the reason so much shit is going on.
Like Mr.B he was suppose to come over never happened...
Ex was suppose to come never happened...
And this whole situation was also due to this gay ass holiday fuck aren't we as humans suppose to express emotion everyday damn we don't have national happy day or sad day so Fuck VDAY!!!

friday the thirteenth

ok so I talked to both

One of which I am upset at but there's nothing that can really change from that because as much as I want I can't a person. I got really upset and told them to not speak to me but it was because this person came at me so wrong. Like dude what the fuck are you mad about like fuck!!! anyways they act very selfishly and that fucking sucks because were blood but damn man there is only so much pride and image you can feed someone.

Me and the bestie is cool again...I fucked up though I let the moment get to me. I don't think it will be the same...

Extreme Rage

So in the last 3 days I've spoken to my crazy squad and my closest homies except the bestie and my cousin but today I shall speak to both I'm tired of waitingand my cousin shouldn't even be mad at me so why did I apologize to her like the fucking weakling I am.

I am tired of always apologizing but thats the first thing that spits out my mouth when I feel like I did something wrong which is a lot of the time or when I truely feel bad.

Today is make or break so I must speak to both today.

The damn waiting...

So me and the bestie haven't spoken yet but I'm hoping we talk soon because this is driving me crazy. Space is the key but I hate waiting games I always have....

She's not the only one that I have to speak to so the talking must begin soon...

if you want...

Your space. I understand and I'll keep it moving.

horoscope

You should try to stay away from people who're very negative. If you think moral values more important than keeping up appearances your projects will be more successful. Don't be tempted into anything by your restlessness, think about your health...

So on friday I told person 1 who I trusted for all my life 1 thing that wasn't denfensive, nothing bad, nothing I was told I couldn't say and it was posted on the web. Person 1 is so fucking stupid because they never understand anything they mistake everything at the moment. Person 1 kept presuring me into breaking I told them to leave me alone about it and they waited 3 hrs and continued on so I cracked and told.

I figured it doesn't say anything bad I wasn't told don't say anything about it and I only told the person about that one post. They got really upset and wouldn't speak to me. I continued on to tell them don't blame person 2 or hold anything against them because it doesn't say anything and its not their fault.

So saturday I told person 2 what I did and I apologized they said they weren't mad but they wanted to think about it and they will let me know. Its now been 2 days and a hello was said and nothing else. The anxeity is killing me. This is the longest I've spent without speaking to person 2 and I think its gonna be a long time before they speak to me. I know they secretly hate how I act and many things that make me who I am. I apologized once and im not apologizing again and all I can do is wait. Nothing more can be done until they feel they should speak to me.

Today a lot was learned and as much as it hurts all I can do is realize that maybe its about that time.

I don't do things to annoy or bother people, things just happen, maybe I'm just an annoying person.

Cleaning

I cleaned the entire place lets see how long it takes to get all fucked up again...
Update:
So its slowly but surely making its way back 1 bowl at a time. I don't do things to get recognition. I didn't clean it before because I felt that I changed the trash bags so much and I always change the dirty pad bags that over flow in the bathroom when I don't even get that shit. I don't think I deserve a fucking medal but a thank you was very greatly appreciated today. I hate asking people to do things so today I sat and explained why I cleaned to someone and I don't think they didn't really understood what I said..

ps. horoscope
If you wait long enough, you'll become stronger and more patient without much effort. Be aware not to be too arrogant, stay critical of your own behaviour. If you feel in good spirits, know that it's got nothing to do with folly or joking around...

The Return

The feeling of the 29th have returned shall I reiterate them to you:

Cry for help....
I have a problem and I know it. I dislike myself and don't understand how anyone can like me...as a friend;as a girlfriend;as a messing buddy;as a kid;as a functioning body of society;as any type of relationship.

I know the 6 people that are actually around me do love me because they tell me but I still feel like a pest theres nothing left to do but shut off.

I wonder for how long though?

So...

I fucked up and all I can do is wait...

This year...

was suppose to be different it's not how can I change it damn...

VH1 needs...

to give me and my friends our own show we are entertaining ask anyone and guess what were always funny I'm gonna start recording the lifestyle just the weekend and outings lol lets see what happens...

Entirely, totally

so after school is over what my next step...

entirely, and totally lost hopefully i have a future in art or clothing

"Dare to dream sweety, dare to dream..."- Andy, My Boys

My Major: Slacking

Mon & Thur- Slacking 101
The act of slacking
Tues & Fri- History of slacking
The Past Slacking activities
Wed- S.A.D.
Slacking All Day