Is love lived and lost better than no love at all…

I'm scared of love.

I'm scared of love because I don't think anyone can love me, like real love that everyone yearns for.

I've come to this conclusion because I can't really say I have felt love. I can't even say I feel love for myself. This is one of the reasons I want to move out because I need a place where I can sit and think and love myself first enough to allow someone else to love me. My choices in men are bad but simple.

I tried the whole real love thing and it didn't work because at first I forced him into it. Then he was there and I wasn't, which made me leaving so easy. Me leaving caused him to cheat (his story not mine) and that is where everything changed. I felt like I wouldn't want to get hurt or hurt someone else and I didn't want someone who I could ever truly love.

It will be a nice guy and an asshole stand right next to each other I would choose the asshole because he's not there for a commitment and neither am I. I talk to the guys that I know I can never really have examples:

A self centered so called player.

A friendly cheater/opportunist.

An extreme/married cheater.

Out of towners.

This is what I do I stick to them but I've stuck to them so much that I have started to expect some type of commitment, even if it's the commitment of no commitment.

But I want love now so bad and I fear it will never come. I feel like at this point it will never come and I'm always going to be the loser on the outside of a relationship while everyone else is paired off. I'm kind of stuck on one of my sure thing failures but I'm willing to just let go and allow myself to get hurt, because from what I've heard it's better to have love and lost than just have not loved at all.