Death in the family...

I'm sorry I know I have abandoned my blogging for the last couple days today was the first day I have actually been online. I have been going through it recently, more than my usual amount. My aunt passed away this Wednesday and though I have always been down and unmotivated this death has shown me that no matter how you live your life happiness always ends in sadness. I have grown up hating myself and still do. 

My aunt was the complete opposite. She must have weighted about 450 pounds and was always happy always saw the better side of things. I wish i could have asked her how was she so happy though she was the pun of most jokes and how she over came that. I wonder how she could deal with those looks of pity and disgust?

I always being told I would be just like her and to me thats still a bad thing. Her physical appearance to was gross but her inner beauty is what I lay at night and wish for.