drake...

needs to go somewhere these days im tired of hearing the same shit/flow and it being called genius ...no people hear the old mixtapes...

worst bday week ever

my bday was bad but i knew there was more bad times to come yay to 22! -_-

It was ...

It was my bday today and I think when people say bday they mean bad day. It was the worst fucking birthday I ever had. And guess what that's just the 1st day of my 22nd bday
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thinking

I'm bored at work so i'm thinking about opening my gauges again... I know why? well idk thats what bothering me I had them befor because I wanted to change a lil( i got a tat and gauges and i dyed my hair all in one week) I'm avoiding needles untill my bday or after my bday which btw is this tuesday coming up (YAY!!!)I just miss them so I'm going to redo them I think... might get my toungue peirced who kknows still tossing it up though.

Plans

just starting a new job... I'm nervous.
Anyways if things work out I'm moving out but from what I have read I would move for only awhile so it would not be for a long time so it wouldn't make sense.

Spots

I have this spot I call my own it signifies so much but no one will understand it. Its not a spot in my mind its a real spot around my way that I only go to to be alone and think. I've only taken one person ever there and they didn't even know they were there. We sat here for hours and talked about everything we spent like 4 long hours there.

The best thing is it could very easily be someone elses spot but when I'm here its mine and I love it. I only come here when I want to block out the world. The funny thing is I have an empty house right now and I still chose this spot over home.

I want to make a change and when I'm here I don't need or want to anymore I'm happy.

Lies...

I hate lies some lies were clarified to me today about someone who I considered a friend for a long time. We have grown apart recently but its like damn shes decieved me for about 3yrs but you know what its a new day that time has came and gone

All at one time

Its back again ... I'm at one of the lowest points ever right now this whole up and down shit is no bueno.

I had fun today at the FSF BBQ for their 4th bday and chilled with homies but something wasn't right all day from 11am to right now idk wat it is but I can't right now

People say...

People say they want things and then they have it instead of appreciating it and loving it and trying to make sure what they wanted lasts they fuck it up with being selfish and not caring and not really even wanting it anymore.

Its like ur life goal is to be a lawyer and you finally get ur first case your like yes iive always wanted this and o I love doing this and then after that case your like I don't even want to do this.
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Just when...

I thought shit was changing it starts over back on the meds had some dumb thoughts and I'm all alone right now...

Why is it that when things are looking up we all ways look down? I'm gonna go away for awhile it'll probably be the best solution... Jersey here I come well on monday I think
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Damn it

I did it again I'm tired of doing all these things without thinking my worries my sensitivity my insecurities they make me this fucked up person who can't live a normal fucking life with out fucking up ... And then I think fucking up is needed in life its how u learn ur lessons I just fuck up so much I never learn my lessons cuz there are so many at once.

I don't know how people deal with me...
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I've been...

...Thinking what the fuck am I doing with everything.
...Socially less upset and more accepted around the people around me more than ever before.
...Romantically I've realized I might actually be in the L word with someone who won't want me and I would be looked down on for (who cares though)
...Emotionally I can honestly say I'm happy. This is a rarity. I'm not even on my meds :)
Though I'm still jobless, credit collecters call me about 4 times a day, I do nothing everyday and I'm sure I've gainned some weight ... I'm happy I hangout with less people even let an old one back in and I feel so much better though. Life's been good. I haven't cried since the 8th or 9th
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Popular

My popularity with people I can not have relationships with has gone up like crazy. I had to end a friendship cuz the guy didn't want to end a friendship
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Chippies FTW!!!

Had chipotle today thanks for the bestie scooping me up from the tech cav lol. It was a day packed with activities instead of my usually unlocking levels in Ass.Creed or beasting on NBA 2k9. Went up to Purchase checked in with my advisor (she guides my life lol. Helpped move the 2 ton TV out of storage and to stop and shop. i love cupcakes they are the best. After building a nice rackit was time to head back to throggs. But of course the day could not end without something happening we took a wrong turn ended up mad deepso we had to turn around. And go the other way. When I get back my sister is having a fit talking about how we lied to her about where we were and how here kid didnt eat and was cold. I explained everything about the dive and how her kid never said she ws cold or that she was hungry i asked a lot of times if she wanted food and she said no so that is not my fault. And then her husband has complains about how the computer and x box was stil on when he got here. i told him i wont touch his stuff and ho his kidleft the shit on but its whatever right onow i just wanna be at home locked in my room looking at the walls. i tried apologizing and satsfying some ones picture rquest and didnt get any answers so i dot even want to talk to anyone else i will probably spend the rest of the week like yesterday all alone with the companionship of a 9yr for half the day and no contact with anyone my age or near it. I cant wait to get a job.

Is happiness possible?

I have started to think that happiness might be right around the corner recently everything feeling wise has been ok with the exception of no job. I'm content with being alone (relationship wise) dudes dont hit me up and im cool with it because right now i have cool people around me and i dont really feel as down as i use to i must admit my bubble has gone down drastically from seeing/speaking to 20 people a day to now about 4 to 5 people if im lucky. Hopefully the summer continues this good my fl posts will be up tomorrow and so will some pictures well maybe...

Ahhhh...The good old days

Tonight was a good night though it was spent doing nothing it was a hell of a night. I headed uptown tonight and went all the way up to my old HS. I took the same route I took back then. Tonight I chilled with some of the homies from the past. We had a great time thinking back to all the jokes over the years.

Drunks

1st night I go to sleep at 1am and a drunk comes singing at 130 I guess me and sleep are not meant to be. My parents had a comment to say before about a drunk homie coming to crash here and this dude did worst, dude came woke up the entire building and then left home. Smh at old drunk spics especially someone who doesn't seem decent. Now the mission to go back to sleep....

Back to the Dungon

I was in my sisters house deep in no mans land and just got back today. It is back to 24-7 spiciness and police sirens. I'm back to being stuck with no existence to the outside world and barely any T.V. I need a job to pay these bills off and also move out if I get a job now I can clear these bills by the end of the summer.

slacking

Two summers ago after a near arrest and broken ogs (rip nike air flys)I have not touched a spray can but I will be doing it this weekend either tonight or on sunday night.

I have decided that I am going to fall into my photography hard body while I still can. I dont have a job and I have a 4 gb memory card. I miss being artistic. It took a set of buns and I, a long time to actually inspire me to write a quick poem off the top. I quit writing once I got to college and I haven't written anything untill like 4am yesterday. He said it was pretty good, I was like whatever. Anyways I decided that I might as well be creative so tonight photoshop will hate me. I haven't plugged in my laptop in the last 2 weeks.

You know how people say your your own worst critic?
It's true mine stares back at me in the mirror everyday. I have I dentified my hater!lol

i told you

easily amused
nigga said "do the stanky leg"
LMAO